I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
