I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
