Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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