You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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