WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
