Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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