I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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