turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
