Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
