be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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