ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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