Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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