Swine flu. Run for my life!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
