Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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