I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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