No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
