I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
