Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
