Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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