dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
