dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
