never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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