It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
