Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
