Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
