You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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