areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
