Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
