I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
