with your own penis?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
