just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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