i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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