I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
