Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
