so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I lost the right to judge tonight
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
