God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
