Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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