I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It all started with a game of naked twister.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
