The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
