Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
