garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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