Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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