I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
