His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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