I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
