My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
