Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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