I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Acid is not a monday night drug
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
