So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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