never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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