it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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