I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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