I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
