She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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