wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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