Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need water and some morals
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
